


Too Damn Long

by DivergentLunarShadowhunter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Based on a Tumblr Post, Canon Compliant, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel is canon, Fix-It, Implied First Time, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sam Ships It, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sam is a Little Shit, Season/Series 13, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, Universe Alteration, accidental love confession?, bc they're both lil shits, jack notices things, sam and jack probably talked about dean and cas, sam confesses it for dean, sorry dean, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 16:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13392036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivergentLunarShadowhunter/pseuds/DivergentLunarShadowhunter
Summary: Jack notices as soon as Cas gets back that he acts differently around Dean, and that Dean's attitude towards, well, *everything* has changed since the angel came back. Dean puts on a brave front, pretending that he hadn't been literally suicidal because of Cas's death, and Cas doesn't know the truth.But it's not until Sam gets Cas alone in the bunker's kitchen that he is able to tell Cas how Dean REALLY felt when Cas left.AKA, a fix-it fic because dammit, Cas needs to know how Dean acted when he died. Because THAT'S what freaking love looks like, people, and if it's not canon idk how else they can possibly hope to show it.





	Too Damn Long

**Based on this tumblr post, which made me realize that this needed to be a fic ASAP:** [ **https://isolemnlyswear-iamsuperwholocked.tumblr.com/post/169520508271/okay-so-we-dont-talk-about-11x18-enough-yes-it** ](https://isolemnlyswear-iamsuperwholocked.tumblr.com/post/169520508271/okay-so-we-dont-talk-about-11x18-enough-yes-it)

“He really did miss you, you know.” Cas turned around, confused.

  
“What?” Jack was staring at the angel with a frown that mirrored Cas’s.

“When you were dead,” Jack replied, speaking slowly as he picked through the right words to use. “Dean...he was not happy. He was...angry.” He glanced over at Dean’s sleeping form. “ _Very_ angry.”   
  
Cas followed the nephilim’s gaze.

“We became very close,” he said, because there was nothing else to say. “I pulled him out of hell nine years ago, and since then we’ve had a more profound bond. He just missed me; I missed him too, when I was in the Empty.” But Jack wasn’t convinced.

“That’s not all, though. I think he blamed me for everything that happened. Which he was right to do; I’m the reason you died and his mother got trapped in the alternate dimension.” Cas was ready to argue, but Jack _did_ have a point.

“What happened,” he started instead. “My death, Mary...none of it was supposed to happen. It wasn’t part of the plan. But there _was_ no real plan; with the Winchesters I’ve learned there usually isn’t. And there are always consequences, some that can’t ever be fixed. But anything that happens, well…” He glanced at the sleeping Winchesters. “The two of them, they get through it. They survived the apocalypse, Lucifer, Metatron…” _and me_ , he added silently. “They always manage to make their own choices, no matter the cost. Sam and Dean...they’re the two bravest men I’ve ever known.”

“And you love them.” Jack confirmed. He said the word _love_ like he was trying out the sound of it for the first time, like he wasn’t quite sure what it meant even though his mother had said it to him before he was born.

Cas smiled sadly.

“Yes. I do.”

Jack dropped it after that, for the most part. He watched how Dean and Cas acted around each other, how it was so much different than the interactions between Sam and Cas. They never spoke of it again, until a few days later when Sam and Cas were alone in the bunker’s kitchen one morning.

“Y’know, Cas,” Sam said as he started up the coffee pot, “We’re really glad to have you back.”

Cas nodded, eventually realizing that Sam wasn’t facing him and couldn’t have seen him.

“I’m glad to be back,” he replied. “You two- you _three_ , including Jack- you needed me and I wasn’t there.”

Sam turned around, leaving the coffee to join Cas at the table.

“No, man, it’s not your fault. Seriously. You can’t blame _yourself_ for dying; we should’ve been there for you. Dean and I…” he shook his head. “It was hard for us not to blame ourselves, Dean especially. That’s why he’s been so hard on Jack.”

“Jack told me about that,” Cas agreed, feeling unsettled. He knew that the Winchesters cared about him, of course, but he still wasn’t entirely sure why, even after all these years. “He said Dean was angry.”

Sam frowned and shook his head. “He wasn’t just angry, Cas. He was suicidal.” As expected, Cas’s mouth dropped open slightly and a look of unimaginable pain crossed his face. “I know. I wasn’t going to tell you because of how much better he’s gotten since you came back, but…it wasn’t good.”

And, although he knew Dean would have killed him if he was in the room, Sam told him about it all- the yelling, the fighting, even the house where Dean had died and almost not come back. He could see Cas’s body stiffening in his chair the entire time, hands gripping both wooden armrests like he wanted to strangle something.

“But when he got that phone call, Cas…” he let a small smile slip onto his face as he ran a hand through his hair. “His face just…well, you saw.”

Cas _had_ seen, and he also knew Sam knew he’d looked back at Dean the same way. He could only nod back. Sam pushed back his chair and stood up to get the coffee, letting the angel process everything he’d said.

When he came back with the steaming cup, Cas was staring at the table.

“Sam,” he said.

“Hmm?” He blew on the top of his coffee before taking a cautious sip.

“How long was I gone?”

“Less than a month,” Sam replied thoughtfully. “I’m not sure how much less, though. It was at least two, maybe three weeks. But you didn’t miss much.”

Cas considered Sam’s words before he spoke again.

“You know I would have been the same if either or both of you had died.” Sam blinked, one of the corners of his mouth turning up slightly in a soft smile.

“Yeah, Cas, we know.” He hesitated. “And you know, I was messed up too, when you were killed.” His mouth twitched. “Honestly, I spent most of my time trying to keep Dean from flying off the rails. But I _did_ care, Cas; you’re our best friend. It’s just that, you know…” he trailed off, hoping Cas would get what he was trying to say.

“Because Dean and I have a more profound bond?”

Sam ran a hand over his face and back through his hair. _Do I seriously have to spell it out for them?_

“No, you idiot. Because no offense, but _I’m_ not the one who’s in love with you.”

Cas flinched as if Sam had just slapped him across the face.

“No.” He shook his head as Sam nodded. “No, he’s made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t-“

“Doesn’t _what_ , Cas?” He was just getting annoyed now. “Doesn’t pray to you every night when he needs help or doesn’t know where you are? Doesn’t become so wracked with grief after your death that he virtually tries to commit suicide during a case? Doesn’t become so emotionally unstable that he drinks himself stupid just to fall asleep, hooks up with meaningless women just to forget about you? I don’t know where you’ve been all these years, Castiel, but Dean has _never_ been as depressed as he was when you died, or as happy as he was when you came back.”

Sam stood up, leaving his coffee behind, and turned around only to find himself face-to-face with his brother. Dean was in his robe, hair ruffled and uncombed as he stared wide-eyed at his traitorous little brother.

_Oh. Shit._ Sam stepped back towards the kitchen, away from both Cas and Dean.

“I’m, uh. I’m going to…” he gestured to the hallway. “Not...be here.” Without another glance at the elder Winchester he snatched his mug off of the table and escaped to his bedroom.

* * *

 ****If he heard anything coming from the direction of Dean’s room during the next hour, he just turned his music up louder, adjusted his headphones, and never mentioned it, much to the relief of Dean and Cas.

After all, nine years _was_ really too damn long, wasn’t it?

**Author's Note:**

> This took me way longer than expected to write/post, but I think I got it right in the end. I hope I wrote Jack alright, it's the first time I've written anything with him so it was a bit difficult. Please let me know what you thought!  
> Follow my Tumblr @isolemnlyswear-iamsuperwholocked for more :)


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